Writers Boon Blog


  • Rude Humour That Laughs at Life's Irritations

    Suzan St Maur



    St Maur is also the author of the internationally best-selling "The Horse Lover's Joke Book" as well as more than 30 nonfiction books. She is now focusing on more humorous fiction, as well as helping other, less experienced authors get their books written and published. She's based mainly in the UK where she has a grown-up son and several rescued pets.

    (to be sung to the tune of O Christmas Tree)

    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    I’m up for this procedure
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    Tomorrow, this sheer torture
    I’d rather stick a dragonfly
    Right in the centre of my eye
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    I’m think I’m due a seizure.

    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    No sleep had I last evening
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    My husband says he’s leaving
    All I could say the whole night long
    Was tie a knot in his poor dong
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    My heart and breast are heaving.

    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    My dentist is awaiting
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    My terror not abating
    I’ll need more time, as after all
    I’m clinging half-way up his wall
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal
    I need some kind placating.

    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    I’m in the chair, strapped tightly
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    I’m sat here quite contritely
    After he stuck me in the arm
    With something called diazeparm
    O Root Canal! O Root Canal!
    I look upon you brightly.


    So many things in today's world
    Plain average, not bionic
    Just get your face in a public place
    And you’re instantly iconic.

    If you puke and pee very publicly
    And deliver that as a comic
    You’re instantly viewed as somewhat lewd
    And right away, iconic.

    Just tell some jokes about rich folks
    And share some thoughts sardonic
    Hey presto! You’re no longer crap
    In fact, you’re now iconic.

    Sing a song that hits a few bright wits
    And gets some grunts melodic
    Online, in muck, who gives a f*ck
    You’re instantly iconic.

    Paint a picture full of worms
    And say it’s ergonomic
    Hang it in state at the London Tate
    And bingo! You’re iconic.

    Write a book that takes a look
    At sewage tech bionic
    You may be it in high tech shit
    But also now, iconic.

    Got some thoughts on family faults?
    Must be socio-economic
    As long as it slags those upper class wags
    No worries. You’re iconic.

    And say you’re gay and that’s OK?
    Of course it is. Harmonic.
    But say some stuff that’s really rough
    And boom. You are iconic.

    Now how about the gender shouts
    Non-binary sounds exotic!
    Just speak your thoughts about those faults
    And you’ll soon be iconic.

    Let’s not forget our own diet
    And everything gastronomic
    Just say you cook what folks won’t f*ck
    And wow! You’ll be iconic.

    So what works for all us jerks?
    To give us help hedonic?
    Forget your brain, just say the inane
    And you're sure to become iconic…